Good one :)

[Rod]

A cucumber and a pickle are having a conversation.

The pickle says to the cucumber "You know, my life really sucks...Whenever I get big, fat and juicy, they sprinkle seasonings over me and put me in a jar."

So the cucumber says: "Yeah, you think that's bad; well, whenever I get big, fat and juicy, they slice me up and put me over salad..."

Just then, a penis is walking by and overhears the conversation, and says: "You think your life is tough?... You know.. whenever I get big, fat and juicy, they put a plastic bag over my head, stick me in a dark, smelly room, and make me do push ups until I throw up!."

[QuietMike]

How are brussel sprouts and pubic hair similar???
>
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>YOU PUSH BOTH TO THE SIDE AND KEEP ON EATING!!!!! http://adultwebmasterinfo.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

[1407]

I love the stuff
http://adultwebmasterinfo.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

[QuietMike]

http://adultwebmasterinfo.com/ubb/biggrin.gif hehehehehehehehe http://adultwebmasterinfo.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

[QuietMike]

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what his Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is full of shit."

[QuietMike]

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what his Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is full of shit."

[QuietMike]

shit double posted, woder if this has anythingto do with my double vision right now http://adultwebmasterinfo.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

[Doctor Dre]

lol

[boneyard]

A priest and a rabbi were traveling on a plane. After a while the priest
turned to the rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that
you not eat pork?"

The rabbi responded, 'Yes, that is still one of our beliefs." The priest
then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?" To which the rabbi replied, "Yes, on
one occasion I
did succumb and tasted pork."

The priest nodded in understanding and went back to his reading. After a
while the rabbi asked the priest, "Father is it still a requirement of your
faith that you remain celibate?"

The priest replied, "Yes that is still very much a part of our faith." The
rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptation of the
flesh?"

The priest replied, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with
my faith."

The rabbi nodded understandingly for a moment and then said, "A lot better
than pork isn't it?" http://adultwebmasterinfo.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

[shane]

Q. What was the last thing to go thru lady Dianas mind before she died?

A. The dashboard

[richard]

grrr, someone has to stand up and say that that is really tasteless Shane.

But its not going to be me http://adultwebmasterinfo.com/ubb/wink.gif

How many conservative economists does it take to change a lightbulb?

none, the invisible hand does it for them

http://adultwebmasterinfo.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

[WildWilly]

One day Superman was a little restless and looking for a break from his crime fighting.
He went to Batmans cave and asked him if he'd like to go out on the town. Batman said he was busy fighting crime, so Superman left still looking for some fun.
He flew out over the ocean and saw Aquaman. He asked Aqua if he'd like to go out and have a little fun. Aqua said he had a school of fish to teach that night, so he'd have to decline.

A little disappointed, Superman decided to fly around the world to see who else he may find to join him. While flying over a deserted island, he sees Wonder Woman lying naked and spread legged on the beach.
He decides to fly down and give Wonder Woman a super-sonic fuckin'....so down he goes...wham....and he flys off.
After the act, Wonder Woman says..What the hell was that? To that, the Invisible man says..I don't know, but my asshole sure hurts!!!

[WETDOG]

Like that willy.

Most people now days wont know what you are talking about as those cartoons are so old..


Funny though..:=)

[sairanx]

he he he

[boneyard]

The Sunday School teacher was speaking to her class one Sunday morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven...which part of your body goes first?"

Suzie raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."

"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzie?"

Suzie replied, "...because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first!"

"What a wonderful answer!," the teacher said.

Tommy raised his hand and said, "Teacher, I think it's your legs."

The teacher looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now,Tommy,why do you think it would be your legs?"

Tommy said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night,Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was
going, 'O God, I'm coming!'
If Dad hadn't had her pinned down, we'd a lost her for sure!!" http://adultwebmasterinfo.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

[QuietMike]

Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.

He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating.

The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!".

The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!"

[WildWilly]

WETDOG

You're probably right......I'd forgotten how much water went over the dam....Shit, I still feel under 20......that was 25 years ago!!!!

WW = Old Phart

[richard]

A woman walks into a bar, which is right on the edge of the cliff. There are two people in it, the bartender and a guy havng a drink.

The woman walks in and asks the guy with the drink, "whats good to drink here?"

the guy replies, "bloody mary's. What you do is have two drinks, jump out the window, fly around the building, come back in, and have another. I tell you what, i'll do it first, then you can do it after me".

Sure enough, he has 2 drinks, jumps out the window, flys around the bar and comes back in. The woman was so impressed she decided to try it; she has two drinks, climbs out the window, and falls over the cliff to her death.

The bartender starts to laugh, and looks at the man,

"You sure can be an asshole when you are drunk superman".

[richard]

why shouldn't women be allowed to drive?

because there is no road from the bedroom to the kitchen.

http://adultwebmasterinfo.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

What do you do when your washing machine breaks down?

Slap the bitch.

http://adultwebmasterinfo.com/ubb/biggrin.gif


I found those two under "pick up lines" on some site....

http://adultwebmasterinfo.com/ubb/wink.gif

[QuietMike]

What do you tell a women with two black eyes?.......nothing, she has already been told twice!


How do you cercum size a guy in west virginia???....................................... .......Kick his sister in the jaw!


What do you call a blonde with pig tails?.....................A blowjob with handle bars!

http://adultwebmasterinfo.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

[magnatique]

got a funny one from Maxim's...


there's this one guy who's sinless... so God comes to him and tells him: "my son, I grant you any wish you want".

so the guy replies: "God, I'd like a bridge to Hawaii, so I can go anytime I want, and get some good time there"

God then replies: Son, have you realized all the ressources it would take for the fundations, the safety, and all the environmental disturbance it would produce? I am God, I can do it, but do you have anything else that would please you, and at the same time honour your holy father?

The guy then takes a minute or two to think about it... he then replies to god:

God, I know what I want... I want to be able to understand women.


GOD: So, was it two or four lanes you wanted on that bridge? http://adultwebmasterinfo.com/smilies/laugh.gif http://adultwebmasterinfo.com/smilies/laugh.gif http://adultwebmasterinfo.com/smilies/laugh.gif http://adultwebmasterinfo.com/smilies/laugh.gif http://adultwebmasterinfo.com/smilies/laugh.gif

[WildWilly]

Good ones, guys.

Here's another few.....

What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?
Answer = 1996 world hide and go seek champ!!!!!

How can you tell a blonde has been on your computer?
Answer = There's white-out on the screen!!!

Did you hear about the two ants on the toilet seat?
One got pissed off!

Later

[WildWilly]

All these funnies got me thinking......

WEBMASTERS.....mail me your favorite jokes.
Each day, I'll pick my favorite. The one I pick gets it posted AND gets a link to their site for the day......don't forget to include your url.....
It's maybe worth 300 - 400/day

OH YEAH.....in case ya don't know...I run a links site.
I'll put your joke and your link on the main links page.

just a thought....maybe it's been done?

[boneyard]

A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph.The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says,"Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but,I want a divorce."

The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph.

She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you."

Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as he clenches his hands on the wheels.

She says, "I want the house." Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph.

She says, "I want the kids too." The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, until he's up to 80 mph.

She says, "I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards too." The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, "Is there anything you want?"

The husband says, "No, I've got everything I need right here."

She asks, "What's that?"

The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph,
"I've got the airbag!" http://adultwebmasterinfo.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

[Rod]

hehe http://adultwebmasterinfo.com/ubb/biggrin.gif
good jokes guys http://adultwebmasterinfo.com/ubb/biggrin.gif http://adultwebmasterinfo.com/ubb/biggrin.gif http://adultwebmasterinfo.com/ubb/biggrin.gif http://adultwebmasterinfo.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

[QuietMike]

One Christmas Eve, Santa Claus comes down the chimney and is startled by a beautiful 19 year old blonde. She said "Santa, will you stay with me?", Santa replied, "Ho Ho Ho gotta go, gotta go, gotta deliver these toys to good girls and boys."

So she took off her night gown, wearing only a bra and panties, she asked "Santa, now will you stay with me?"

"Ho Ho Ho gotta go, gotta go, gotta deliver these toys to gook girls and boys."

She takes off everything and says "Santa, now will you stay with me?"

Santa replies "Gotta stay, gotta stay, can't get up the chimney with my dick this way!"

http://adultwebmasterinfo.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

[[XZiBiT]]

lolol....ill think of one and post it l8r on http://adultwebmasterinfo.com/ubb/smile.gif))